Friday 28 August 2015

Japan postcards are lost and then found

Two of four nice postcards I wrote about here are lost.
I found one in a drawer, and the other one is framed and stands on the window sill here next to my computer. But I can't remember where the other two are.

And I cannot understand why I have separated them and put them in different places, one in a drawer and the other two somewhere else. That does not make sense to me. In that case, something must be wrong. That makes me very nervous.

I have problems with some stuff now, like keeping track of time. For example being asked "when did did you first feel this pain?" or "how long have this been going on?", questions doctors usually asks... It's almost like I have no comprehension of time. At-least I cannot always remember such things. Sometimes I can. And maybe the medication makes it worse. I don't know.

I got really sad that I cannot remember where I put the postcards. Since I wanted to put frames on them, I wanted to keep them. And then things starts spinning in my head like, "Maybe I had them in my hands and accidentely threw them out with the garbage"

It's not the first thing I've lost. My tweezers that I use for my tiny electronics components, tiny 0302 capacitors, they are really tiny.

Very tiny, I need some very sharp tweezers to pick them up.


I thought I wrote about my lost tweezers in the blog also. But I couldn't find that post either :| Can't find a blog post that I remember I had written, hehe, yeah that too. Or maybe I never wrote in my blog that I lost my tweezers.

I used the search functionality and searched "pincette" and there was no blog post with that word. And then I thought, I have always written "pincette" in english. Then I looked in a dictionary, and there is no English word "pincette". It's called tweezers ofcourse... Is it "ofcourse" or "of course"?
My firefox spelling feature tells me that it is "of course". Firefox also tells me that pincette is a pipette.

So, tweezers is like the word scissors. It's like they are two.

-"I need a tweezer" seems to be wrong according to auto-spelling.
-"I need a tweezers" sounds very wrong in my ears.
-"I need a pair of tweezers" it is then?
 
I bought 4 new pincettes, I mean tweezers. A little bit upset about this, because a couple of weeks earlier they sold them for 1/5th of the price.
I was looking after my tweezers so much that I had lost my motivation to do any electronics stuff at all since then. Maybe a week or two later I found my old tweezers. I had put it in a very strange place in my small supply room. Mostly filled with boxes with old games and oh *sigh*, so much stuff. The pincette, I mean tweezers was lying on top of a VHS player.

I have a special place for my tweezers, it's where they ALWAYS should be when I don't use them.

This very nice Hobgoblin beer jar, pot? The is where I keep
my tweezers and one philips screwdriver, desoldering pump, cutter,
ballograf propelling pencils and pens, and other marker pens for writing
on dvd's and things like that.

If they are not there, they should be somewhere else on my desktop because I am using them for something. If they are not on the desktop, then they are lost.

I probably put my postcard in "a safe place where I cannot lose them", or where I "can easily see them and find them". I have a little plastic box with things that are important to me, where I put things I don't want to lose. The postcards were not in that box.

And I cannot understand why I found just one, when I assume I must have kept all three together. And while writing this post, that must have taken hours to write, I started thinking about making food and this idea popped into my head, and

lo and behold, I had put two of them on my fridge!

Mystery solved.

Now I feel a little bit stupid, looking for them everywhere. But that is how it is sometimes, you're looking for something that is right in front of your eyes.

That made me think of when me and my friend arrived in Tokyo. And I used this really good app that I can recommend to travelling people, MAPS.ME. I had marked out the hotel at the map. And the GPS said that we should be just close to the hotel. "It is right here" I said, and I turned around and around, to see if there was a sign on any of the buildings with the name of the hotel... We looked around for some time, probably looking very confused. It turns out, we were standing just outside of the entrance to the hotel.

I wonder if the people at the counter inside saw us, wondering what we were doing, looking at our phones and walking around in circles just at the entrance

It was very nice being greeted with "Daniel-san" when I came in.
Later some day during our stay I felt I needed to tell them something, and they spoke very poor English, and I was *sigh*-ing a lot during the talk. I was trying to use a translator app on my phone, trying to explain that we were going away to Kyoto for 2 days, but we are keeping the hotel room with most of our stuff, we are still paying for that time we're gone, and we'll be back.
When I said
-"We are going to Kyoto tomorrow"
He replied
-"You are going to Tokyo?"

But we were in Tokyo, in Asakusa. I didn't understand what he meant. And he didn't understand what I meant.

Maybe my friend was right, we didn't need to say anything to them. It would just mess things up instead.

I really hope my translator app didn't translate into something mean or bad :| because it didn't seem to work very well when translating from Japanese to Swedish. And I noticed they stopped calling me "Daniel-san". Hope I wasn't one of those troublesome guests or I had accidentally called them something really mean from my translator app.

But I thought, since we leave the key at the counter every morning we leave the hotel, maybe they'll be worried if we don't come back to the hotel one night. Maybe we should say something. At last they seemed to understand what we meant anyway. But I wasn't "Daniel-san" anymore. Maybe I am overreacting :)

Thursday 27 August 2015

Didn't eat much today

I am trying this homemade jam :)

I'm not sure I got enough calories today. But I did eat breakfast and lunch.

I've slept again. I don't remember when I started sleeping. I usually try to stay awake during the day. But now it has been impossible.

Also, nobody seems to know why I got swollen feet. And pain in my legs in the morning. One theory could be that I've eaten a little bit too much unhealthy food.

I don't like that I am so tired an sleep so much during the day. My entire day feels wasted. Even though I've slept, I still am tired enough to sleep tonight I think. It was the same yesterday.


Bought new shoes and toiletpaper

I really can't write anything. It is completly impossible when I am tired like this. I can fall into deep sleep in 5-10 second. Even if I had coffee. It is almost like coffee made it worse.

If I do go to sleep now I will wake up with a headache. Feel rested and have problems sleeping at night. 

Anyway I bought new shoes. I like those shoes, without laces. Although it is exactly the same shoes I already have (worn out). I've got problems getting my feet in these new ones, because my feet are so swollen. The new ones are really tight. Maybe it would be good to wear them. Maybe it would help to reduce the swelling :)

....Hmm, nope. I keep falling asleep. It is impossible  to write something. Maybe later

Pain in my legs

I woke up and went to the bathroom. When I went back to bed I had a horrible pain in my legs.

Don't know why.

Wednesday 26 August 2015

I don't want to sleep

Although I am so tired I can probably sleep any minute now.

But I just get this bad feeling that this is the last day.

I don't know what to write. But my eyelids keep falling down.

New record in Rocksmith

92.5% in Blitzkrieg Bop :D

But I have lost count how many days I have been playing now.

And coffee didn't really help against my weariness.

So tired, yet I managed to beat the record :)

So tired, coffee time

So I got some sort of infection in the airways.

They don't know why my feet are swollen.

I am going to drink coffee.

I do not feel well, and what a mess

Yesterday night... or when was it? I have forgotten. Typical.
Anyway, I had so much pain in my knees. I slept almost the entire day yesterday.
I was afraid that I couldn't sleep during night because of that, but I slept quite well.

Still haven't fixed more bugspray for the flies. And NO I don't have so many flies because I have so much mess etc.  It is because I live at a farm. The house is surounded by cows, and flies. And sometimed 1 or 2 or 500 flies comed into my apsrtment.

There hasn't been much flies this year. They just woke up a week ago or something.

My father comes today, and I  am just afraid he is going to take my candy and say something like "but you're not eating this anyway". Yes ofcourse I do, but I dont scoop it up like an excavator.

Hmm, anyway I hope my sister comes to visit again. I really liked that. Hope we can play some game together, my favorite of all time China Town. My father hasn't played it yet. Hope she can teach me aone guitar.
I was a little bit dissapointed that my brother said that China Town was a little boring and that all you do is count.

Nah, I don't agree. It's the trading part that is the most fun. When I played with brother and mother I think we were a little bir roo nkxe ri eaxh orhee. Ans  nt neķfjer skrd......... yeah you see what hapens whem you fall asleep and keep writing anyway.

What I was going to say, that we were a little bit too nice to each other when playing.
When I played with my friends, the trading just went totally crazy. And that was fun.

But now, I keep falling asleep again. I don't even notice. Which is weird...

And now I remember! I was going to watch this anime Requiem from The Darkness. Started watching it. But as it always is with me, when I start watching something I also feel like writing in the blog or I get so tired that I dont even notice that I go to sleep.. Like I did just now. Heh. I'll have it on in the background anyway.

Tuesday 25 August 2015

Strange night sleep

So, I got all the medecine I need yesterday. I was not really in a good condition to drive. I was too tired.
I went to Mediamarkt to look for a new SD Cardreader and a usb cable for my cellphone. But it was closed, I was there around 20:45 


I feel I can fall asleep any moment now,

Anyway, I made breakfast. This morning.



**but I fell asleep while writing**


Feels like I must have slept for about 30-45minutes. My tea is cold. But the sandwishes was still soft and taste good.

When I woke up tonight, I had a really bad pain in my knees. I couldn't understand why my knees hurt.

**fell asleep again**

Anyway, I took some painkillers for the knees, OxyNorm and Alvedon, and I think that worked. But it took some time.

But I woke up often this night anyway, the only difference from the other night is that I got Temesta and sleeping pills again. So if I wake up I take Temesta and fall asleep get really tired.
The few times I did wake up this night, I was so tired and dizzy I really had no problem going back to sleep. Unless I felt afraid or was anxious for some reason.

I have only eaten one of the sandwishes so far. This blogpost takes forever to write when I keep falling asleep like this all the time. I cannot concentrate on one thing, if I get tired and foggy in my mind.

My Neato stopped again with the message "Paused", So I just started it again by pressing resume. But it shouldn't be like that. It stopped again close to the place it always stops at....

** fell asleep again **

I think I need to eat my breakfast now. It is boring and it takes hours to write a short bloogpost like this if I am going to keep falling asleep. I even forgot what I originally wanted to write about.

I had something on my mind, but it is long gone,

Another thing I noticed this morning was that my feet are very swollen. I should keep them high the nurse said. So I will do that, and watch an anime. Cobra.
But I'll bet I can't see the whole thing, I will fall asleep.

And I got millions of flies in my apartment now, just when I am out of Raid.

My dad called and said he was coming to me today, I had no idea about that. Apperently we hade talked about him coming to me on tuesday he said.

......I can't stay awake for another second...

Monday 24 August 2015

Neato, found stuff and more medicine

I finally found my SD Cardreader. It had just fell down and was hidden under a cable. I spent so much time looking for it.

I think I wrote about my Neato vacuum cleaner in my last post...I don't remember, anyway, this time I didn't do anything when it stopped. I just left it where it was until it's battery was drained. Now I'm gonna charge it overnight and see if it performs

Now I am watching the anime of "Two Years' Vacation", I think the anime is called "Adrift in the Pacific", but I can't find it on imdb. I'm watching a Swedish translation "Två års ferier". I kind of like old 80's anime. It is a little nostalgic, I want more.
But yes, I fell asleep during this movie too. But it was a very easy movie to follow. It kind remined me a little of Lord of the Flies.                                                                                                            
But now I have problems keeping my eyes open soon sleep,

Neato stopped again

So, somtimes it cleans the house without any stops. And sometimes it just stops for no apperent reason. This time there was no message at all, it didn't say "Paused" on the screen. It looked like it had just had canceled cleaning.

But when I pushed the button I was able to choose "Resume cleaning", so that worked.

By the way, it did say "Please empty my dirt bin" but it wasn't even full when I looked. Could that be the reason it stopped maybe. My old one often had this message, but it didn'r stop cleaning because of it.

I disabled dirt bin warning, so lets see how that works then next time.

I think it has some software bugs that needs to be fixed. But Neato Robotics seems to be very very slow with software updates.

Update:
I run it again today, and it keeps stopping for no reason.

I notice that the battery is quite low. But it doesn't warn about low battery, the leds are still green. And I can still press resume cleaning.

Maybe I should try the battery calibration thing on this one too.

This morning and the Neato

I slept quite nice tonight. I felt really bad yesterday for not getting proper sleep.

This time I used oxascand, and it worked. I also had one sleeping pill.

I woke up once during night, but that was no problem.

I remember yesterday that I was feeling dizzy and I was feeling against my left ear. It was constantly itching in the ear. And the tumour is growing just infront of it. Also feeling down where I think my carotid artery, I have a large chunk of tumour. And it is worrying me.
I took  4 x 15mg oxascand. And I finally could sleep, and finally wake up in the morning to the sound of my neato.

It has stopped several times "please clear my path", but it is just being stupid. I filmed it when it was doing that. It could have just turned a few centimeters in the other direction, and it would have gotten out, It was cleaning near my tv-table.

Now I am tired, but I will go up and make some breakfast,

I've forgotten what day it is. And some hospital stories.

I remember that I made pancakes. But I didn't remember if that was today or yesterday.

I remember I ate two pancakes today that was left over. And then I thought, maybe it was earlier today that I made pancakes...?

But, I had to go in and check the dates on the blog, and it was yesterday I made pancakes. And that feels very strange. Probably because I got no proper sleep.

So that means, I haven't eaten anything today, except two pancakes. and


I made macaroni and blood pudding with ligonberry jam.

I notice that I cannot taste much. everything I eat is almost tasteless. That is kind of boring.
It is still difficult to eat, but the tumour hasn't changed much in my mouth the last week. I hope that is a good sign. I think so anyway. It is very difficult to say.

I have this bad thing though, that food get stuck in the upper part of the mouth. and whenever I need to breath in. I breath in that food, and then I cough it out.
If I need to breath while eating, I have to be very careful. Because it easily get down to the lungs.
But if I need to breath out I always spray out the food. Even if I breath out carefully. That is so irritating.
I need to hold my breath when I eat, and I have it difficult to breath through my nose.
And also, food gets stuck in my throat. I cannot swallow it without water.

And today was also a really hot day. I am almost waiting for a day with really bad weather. I want that it to rain really really much some day soon.

Anyway, I haven't really felt that good today, because that lack of proper sleep I got.. And I slept little during the day today. Maybe I should call home care this night, so that they can give me something so I can get one night of proper sleep.

I'm just afraid that it will be pointless. It is usually like that when I am at hospital for example.

Let's say I had one night I slept really bad. I woke up often. I took 1 sleeping pill, and woke up after 1 hour feeling rested. So I took another sleeping pill and woke up after 1.5 hours, then I took something against anxiety and maybe I slept 1 hour..etc etc.
So in the morning when I talk to the doctor I tell him this, and the doctor is so nice and everything and he says that if it's like this tonight again we will give you something stronger.

So, the night comes, and it's the same thing I have it difficult to get to sleep. And I tell the nurse, but the nurse gives me the same sleeping pill I got last night. So I tell her, "But the doctor told me that I could get something stronger". And the response I can get is for example "Yes, but I think it is better to try with this first and see if it works". OK... But why? We already know it doesn't work. Ok then, I am not in control.. Let's say I sleep 3 hours this night, and wake up again and I call for the nurse and I say that I can't sleep. So she doesn't give me the stronger sleeping pill because it is too late, I will just get too tired in the morning, so she gives me the same anxiety pills again, and I sleep a little.... And I still have slept bad that night, even if it wasn't as bad as the night before. But what makes me upset is that, why couldn't I have gotten the other sleeping pill that the doctor recommended. Since the doctor has said that I am allowed to take it, don't I have the right to decide for myself?

Sometimes, of often when I am at the hospital. It feels like I loose my rights to decide for myself. It's always "I think this is good for you" or "We think you should do this". And it so difficult to say no. I can't say no.

Sometimes it's 'We have seen that you cannot handle this so we take over and decide for you'.
That could for example be the food.
When I eat ordinary food with my mouth, it is never a problem. If I eat too little, I don't hear much about it.
But when it comes to the food I get through the feeding tube, it's almost like some kind of dictatorship going on.

Once I needed to go do some ultra sound thing on my heart, and I was having a bag of food dropping in at the same time. So I disconnected it, and thought I could just connect it again when the heart examination was done. But no, no "We think that you should have this with you, you need your nutrition."
So they tried all sorts of ways to get this food pump with me, there was no place to attach it to the bed, because I was escorted there in the bed. So they spent all this time trying to figure out how to get this bag of food with me. And I was starting to get a little irritated.

If I had eaten ordinary food, with my mouth. Would I have been forced to bring that with me too? I eventually said, quite irritatated. Can't I decide myself?
And the nurse seemed a little chocked, but seemed to be a little irritated herself. So eventually they disconnected the foodbag fŕom the feeding tube and I went away to the heart examination. And when I came back I plugged it in again, no more hassle and trouble.

Later more nurses came to me, or if it was the day after. And wanted to have some sort of discussion that began like "We have heard that you are not quite happy" and "It is very important that you get your nutrition". etc etc..

this sentance
"It is very important that you get your nutrition"
is repeated daily, several times per day. Especially if I get food through my feeding tube. In case I forget that for some reason? How old am I now again?

Another thing that happened was that, once, when a group of doctors and nurses was listening to me speak, I asked to get my bag of food early in the morning. Around 7 or 8 or something. Because if they give me the first bag at like 12 like they had done, I will have the last one late at night when I want to sleep.

So the next day around 7 o'clock, this jaunty or spry nurse comes in and tells me that it is time for food. And explains to me "It is very important that you get your nutrition, you can't keep going on and taking your first bag so late..." bla bla bla... In the morning, when I am tired I can get quite pissed off.. however, I did not say anything, I just sighed and said, "yes, yes". And they always ask if I can plug it in myself or not, but with a tone, that makes it sound like "are you really capable of plugging this in yourself", like "are you really sure about that?".. and I say, trying to keep my temper, "yes, yes, I can do it myself".

But when she comes the next morning and says excatly the same thing again, "It is very important that you start early, you need your nutrition do you understand...bla bla bla". I just had to yell at her

"It was I! That told YOU! To bring in my nutrition early! Because it was you that gave it to me too late."

"And, YES! I can plug in the bag myself, how else do you think I have survived alone at home for several weeks with this feeding tube".

They honestly think that I have home care coming home to me just to plug in a bag of food to a this tube.
I can understand if a 90 year old person who is weak can have problems with that for some reason.

But why do they always have to assume first, that I can not do it myself.

Another thing that came into my mind was once after the operation. When they had removed half my cheekbone. One nurse was giving me medicine through the feeding tube. Not asking if I can do it myself, she just does it like it is supposed to be done "by the book". One full shot (60ml) of water to clear the tube, then all the medecine which was dissolved in water, almost three full shots (60ml x 3), and then one full shot to clear it all.

I didn't feel very well, I felt sick, ready to puke and she was pumping in all this water and medecine too fast.
And I had a tracheotomy at that time so it was more difficult to speak, but I was able to speak.

So I just said "Stop, I don't feel very well". That was all I could say. And then I tried raising the bed so I didn't lie straight down. While she was injecting more water, not even helping me get up or anything.

And this thing about lying down straight when injecting something through the feeding tube I've got more stupid nurse stories to tell. You're supposed to sit up when injecting something in the feeding tube.


Anyway, she responded "Feel how? Do you have a headache?", or something like that

I was almost baffled. I didn't know what to respond, I just said "eeerm", and had to breath a little, I needed a break.. And she just kept injecting more water too fast.

And I think I was pointing to my stomach. I was doing something to show her what I meant, and also trying to raise the back on my bed, to no avail. And I said again "Stop, I dont't feel well!"

I don't remember what she said or what she did, but I do know that she was completly incapable of understanding why I didn't feel well.



So anyway what happened was that I just threw up, and it came so quickly I didn't have time to say anything first.

Another nurse came in and said something like "No, you're allowed to throw up!", seriously. First of all, the nurse who injected the medicine to the feeding tube should have waited for me to sit up first.
She could have let me inject it myself, or asked if I wanted to. Since I do that every other day.

And what did she mean by "Not allowed to throw up" ? Did she mean that because I have had an operation in my mouth. Was she really telling me this, or the other nurse? I don't understand how they think really.
I don't remember really what happened next, except I had to change clothes and things like that.

And this thing about, lying down straight + asking me if I am able to inject something in the feeding tube myself.

It has happened that, while one nurse is injecting something in my feeding tube. Another nurse comes in and tells ME, that I am not allowed to lie down while injecting. Yes, I already know that.

But shouldn't the other nurse who was so certain about injecting something into MY body had given me some time to sit up first, maybe she should have known this.

Why is it always my fault when something goes wrong. The nurses never does anything wrong, it is always the patient first that did wrong.

Another funny thing, just after the operation. I probably got pneumonia, plus I had tracheotomy put in. I was coughing alot, and had alot of mucus coming out of my tracheotomy thing.

And there was some kind of filter in it that all the time got filled with mucus. And they used sucking machine to suck up the mucus.

They had to change this filter in my throat/tracheotomy all the time. And so they went out of filters, they had none left, so they just sucked up the mucus in it and put it back.

But it was so heavy to breath through, and I couldn't speak. The only way to communicate was to write on little post-it notes.

Once it was so difficult to breath it almost felt like I was suffocating. And I tried getting attention from a nurse by kicking on the bed.

And I had written "Det känns som jag KVÄVS" on a piece of paper, which means "It feels like I'm suffocating". I wasn't really suffocating, but it was so heavy to breath through this filter that was filled with mucus.

I gave this note to a nurse and she looked at it, and she asked if the last letter was a number 5 ? Really, is my handwriting so bad. She could read "KVÄV5" and still not know what it meant.... Number 5... really? What would it mean if it really was a number 5 then. Or was she joking. I don't know.

Anyway I coughed so hard that this filter just flew out like a cannon ball and hit someone in the head. Then they got a box with new filters.

*sigh* that was alot of whining about hospitals...

Now, I don't have any oxynorm left, no more sleeping pills, and no more temesta. I've got oxascand. Maybe I can sleep on that. I don't know really.

Or wait, yes I do. I have a small case with extra medicine. Good thing I have that.

I notice that my vision on my left eye is worse than on my right.
It has always been like that ofcourse, but I need much stronger glasses now. The strength on my right eye is kind of OK. But on my left eye it has become much worse. I kind of feel scared now also, hope that oxascand works.

Sunday 23 August 2015

No cellphone

How strange it is living just one day without my cellphone. Reminds me on how addicted I really am to it.

Still have not found my original charger. But I have not looked very well either.

I have been so tired today, probably because I slept so bad last night.
I think I did fall asleep a little bit during the day. But I am still tired.

Everytime I sit infront on the computer I fall asleep much more easily. Than for example, if I lay down in my bed or sofa. That is strange, maybe it is something about using the brain a little bit more when I use the computer. I read and/or write or do something. So my brain is more active and does a little bit of work, so it makes it sleepy.

If I just lie down, I don't really do anything. So it is more difficult.

I've been watching Notch on twitch.tv, he is very social and he responds to my messages sometimes. I wrote to him that I had a game idea similar to his idea before I heard about 0x10c. And then wrote that I always loose motivation in the middle of a  project. Well, his response was kind of predictable, I guess just keep working anyway even if you don't have the same kind of motivation you started with. And I know this works well, that is what I learnt from my jobs also. You loose motivation to keep doing anything at all, but I have to finish it sometime.

When you see the game starting to get in a playable shape, it is a little bit more fun to keep programming.. or you can loose motivation at this state in the game developemnt too.
You just have to keep working anyway, I know this,

Look at this  ugly bug in my objParser program.
It cannot handle all types of polygons,
It was so long ago I actually did something in objParser. And still, that program is just a tiny tiny tool that I needed for my game.

I don't know how many times I've fallen asleep while writing this, 10 maybe, or 20. Maybe 30...

I feel like playing a little Rocksmith, and or Akiba's Trip. Or maybe Eternal Sonata.

I wish I had some good friends so we could help each oher to keep motivation up and the project keep moving. But maybe that won't work with me, I'm not very social,

And I see so bad. I reallt really need new glasses. That is so boring right now ;/
Usually I liked trying different styles of glasses that was new, but now I am more ugly than usual. so a pair of glasses wont make any diffence anyway.
I  should keep the ones I have now and just buy new lenses.
Sometimes I can't see my mouse pointer.

Oh, this tiredness I have is madness...

I can't remember if it was today I made pancakes or if that was yesterday?

Anyway, I need to make more food, so pea-soup maybe then. But now I'll take a risifrutti. And oh, a cup of coffee. But I don't think it will wake me up. I really need better sleep.

Fika: Lost my cardreader

I had a very good flash-cardreader that worked well in Linux. And it could take lots of different formats, including SIM cards for some reason.

And I also usually takes photos with my phone instead of my Canon. Ofcourse, I can get better pictures with my Canon. But it's a little bit more work to transfer the image to the computer later. With my phome I just upload them to blogger immediately.

Anyway, said it before, I hate when I loose things. It is probably here somewhere  But I can't find it... grr. I always put it back in. the same place, but not this time :(

I can transfer images directly from the Camon camera to the computer. But it is so slow. The cardreader is faster for some reason, even if they're both USB 2.0

By the way, I did find my favorite pincette. So now I'ge got 5 or 6 of the. :P

I didn't feel like making coffee today. I bought one of those starbucks drinks. It tastes more like chocolate than coffee to me. It is probably packed full with sugar. And it was expensive but it tastes good!

I finished watching Beautiful Dreamer this, morning. Even if I had problems folowig the plot, it was a good movie.


I am still tired, and having problems keeping my eyes open, I am at my dekstop computer, and I fall asleep. I have to go to the couch and rest. For real.

I can not sleep

I have had nightmares from hell this night.


It began with me taking a sleeping pill and some against anxiety that usually works..
I slept for about an hour and woke up from nightmares. I don't remember what I dreamt of, but it was just scary. So  took more oxascand to fall asleep, and I slept for about an hour again. And had nightmares.

I continued doing this. Last time I took quite alot of oxascand, maybe 60-80mg, and  I still only slept for an hour, waking up from nightmares.

Now I know, it doesn't help to take that much. Smaller doses are better, and oxascand works the best when I am angry and frustrated. Not so well when I want to sleep.

 I don't have my usual Temesta that I take for sleeping, I'm out of them, I think I've got some other sleeping pills, Zopiklon. I can take one if them that now.

I know that I can call homecare if this ever happens. they've told me so. And they will come and give me a shot with something stronger.
But I've never done that. Maybe I should try next time, I think it is too late now, I will sleep all day tomorrow if I take too many sleeping pills in the middle of the night.

I watched Beautiful Dreamer anime yesterday. And I really liked it!
I remember having a t-shirt with Lum on it when I was 13. The shirt was a little bit too big. And I was probably the  only one with a half naked woman on his tshirt in the entire class. I looked ultra nerdy, And I had never seen the anime.

I thought Beautiful Dreamer was difficult to understand at frst, but it wasn't at all. I think the opposite, it was quite predictable after a while. First all these strange things happens in the movie. And I didn't get it at all, then I just kept watching. And when they revieled what was really going on, I have had that idea before. And that it must be Lum, Lum is the only one that can fly, that must mean something. You can often fly in your dreams. Nothing was never really explained in the beginning. It was just so random.

I never completed watching Beautiful Dreamer because I was too tired. But I will do that today.

Any way, I was so tired I couldn't keep watching. I stopped it.
Good thing about the PS3 is that it  remember where I stopped the movie, and will continue where I left off next time.

I got a little bit of pain now, I've got OxyNorm,or Oxycodone as pills instead that I can take. But I don't have that much pain. I'd rather wait until it is so painful that I really need something for it. I think that works best then. And I also got the positive kick much more evident.

Btw, I think I must have a very high threshold for pain, When doctors or dentists does something to me and ask if it hurts. I usually feel nothing.My dentist is so cautios and asks "doesn't this toothpaste hurt now" or, any other type of mouthwash she gives me. No, no, no, no, nothing hurts. Yes the blisters hurts, but nothing at all, not the toothpaste of mouthwash or anything is making it worse. Not until I take strong spices in food I said.
I wonder why she keeps thinking that every teeny weeny little thing would hurt so much, what people have to understand about me is that I will say if I'm in pain.
I will not shut up about it.

Meh, anyway. I think I am mmtoo tired to keep writing. I have fallen asleep for times on this latop. writingonly a single letter, I fell asleeeep during the night a little. dreaming about that store with the australian women in Asakusa that sold Kimoson and other traditiona, Why did 'i mir rhir''ää enstists ask med if it hurts.  And them do dom nt" / From an extremly sleepy Daniel

08:19

Now, I am a little bit more awake. I have prepared breakfast


This is no typical Swedish breakfast (if there even is such a thing). This brekfast contains things that I happen to have. "Rubber"-cheese that is made for hamburgers with gooseberry marmalade. And another sandwich with messmör..
I didn't feel like coffee today, so I made tea.

But I will keep writing about my troublesome sleep tonight, now that I am awake and actually can write.

As I had written before, I took alot of medication against anxiety to try and sleep. Because it was the only thing I had at home right now.

It didn't work very well, not even in larger doses.

I had no more Temesta, which actually works better as a sleeping pill than my ordinary Zopiklon. My doctor said I should be careful with temesta tough, because if I take it daily it can affect my depression in a negative way. And some nights I have slept fine without any medication.

I only slept in periods of hours this night.

I decided to go up and blog a little to see if I can get tired again and sleep. That probably worked. Because I fell asleep sitting up, with my head tilted on the laptop. I never notied that I fell asleep, I kept writing in my dreams.
When I woke up I had only written random stuff.

And that happened quite often as I remember it, even early this morning.

And now I forgot what I was going to write. Maybe it was some kind of dream that I had. That I have forgotten about now..

I was also hoping for a normal Neato cleaning today without stops, But it stopped once with the message "House cleaning - paused"

*** I even fell asleep just now for a short while ***

Simson

Oh, and my poor cat Simson was outside all night. He didn't come when I called on him at 23-00. Then I went to bed.  Tried getting to sleep, it was impossible to get a good night sleep.

*** I just, did it again, just fell asleep sitting down with my laptop and my tea is cold now ***

I really need to get a good sleep. And I think I have forgotten to take my daily cortison.

I have fallen asleep so many times, my brekfast is getting cold and dry. I'll eat it anyway, I really...




...But seriously, I fell asleep agin,
Ahh.............  I cannot write blog and eat breakfastnow if I am going to fall asleep like this over and over.. I need to stop writing, because this takes hours to write.

Saturday 22 August 2015

Postcard from Japan

I found this very nice postcard that I bought in Japan. I was supposed to send it to someone, but I never knew what to write, so the postcard was never sent. I could have written nothing, just an adress, but I thought that was a little boring. So I saved it and took it with me home.

Then I had this frame from IKEA at home, so postcard + frame became this.

But now I don't really have a good place to put it.

I have three more postcards I can buy frames for, so maybe I can give them away as presents.

But this one I like the most, I think I'll keep it myself :)



What food will I make today

Hmm, I don't know...

Maybe pancakes.

Update:

And I made pancakes. Now I am so tired.


Fika: Found some other stuff and thinking back at my Japan trip.

While I was looking for my phone charger I found some some other stuff that I've forgotten about.

I had bought this coaster from Gundam café in Tokyo. I think I bought it in Odaiba at the Gundam store in Diver City.

It is in rubber so it doesn't glide around, that is good.

Fika with coaster in action. I bought the mug at Manga Museum in Kyoto

Also in Diver City I ate at the coolest sushi place I've been to, Premium Sushi. And I also went to the only maid café in Diver City. My travel friend never wanted to visit a maid café again. So it was the only one I went to, it was quite small. But I put on bunny ears and then they started to sing one of their songs, that was  quite fun :) I regret not buying the album, lol :)

Maybe it meant something that I put on those bunny ears, because a group of young men cheered at me, lol :)

My friend never wanted to go to a maid café again because he thought they they were "too loud". So that was boring, I think the maid café's was quite fun. I wanted to go to one of the bigger and most famous ones in Akihabara.

Another friend told me to stay away from maid cafés because "they're prostitues". Never heard such stupid prejudicement before.

Yeah, OK, maybe he could be right, Maybe he had read somewhere online, that maybe there is a maid café somewhere in some ghetto in the outskirts of Tokyo where the Yakuza roam there is a maid café with prositutes. But that every single maid café, and especially in the middle of Akihabara? I don't think so.

And by the way, I don't want to live my life being afraid of everything. That has always been a problem with my group of friends. EVERYTHING is dangerous.

It was the same when I went to Amsterdam, someone told me "Stay away from red light district"... And my reaction was like, *huh* ?
I think the red light district was the first place I went to the first day I was there, and I didn't even think about it, because families with their children went through Bloedstraat, and that didn't seem like a big problem!?
I was there during daytime though, and there were some half naked ladies in the windows. Yeah, OK, so?
 I have for a long time hated that I have such a ultra boring circle of friends. Absolotely everything is dangerous to do, except for the "leader" who thinks that everything is "misarable" to do. The leader of the group can lead everyone into this "dangerous" situation in a way so they can feel safe. I don't know how he does it, but appearently they trust him more. They can never see me as a leader. This friendship has had the worst influence on me, because sometimes I felt I missed to do so many things I always wanted to do, because I always needed to do them alone. While they never needed to do anything alone.

And I have wanted to end the relationship completly many many times, without success. But they don't really seem to take me very serious when I say so. They just come over and visit whenever they want to anyway, and that is when they got time over for me. I, however is always exoected to have time

I can have fun with them sometimes, but we have such different interests.

I went to the Roger Waters concert in Globen alone, I think that was the first time I decided to do something I wanted to and not expect anyone else to follow. The leader always gets people to follow him to places when he wants to. I can't do that.

But I am so glad that I fought myself out of those handgloves and prison uniform that it felt I had for such a long time that I spent time with them. And went to Amsterdam OHM2013 hacker festival 2013, the coolest thing I ever been to, and I went on my dreamtrip Japan in 2014.
One of my friends did follow me to Japan and followed like a ghost on my trip that I had planned out, I don't think he had any other agenda than to visit Akihabara and look at some arcade machines and accessories, or Akahabra or how the h*ll the pronounced it, always screaming it out everytime he could read it on the subway maps or they said in the speakers. I so often felt embarred around him, I often thought "please please, behave and shut up". He didn't even know what Shibuya was, I had to explain that several times. And I got the feeling that he wasn't really impressed about the place as I was. He didn't have a clue about Tokyo/Japan and it's famous places.

I wanted to eat japaneese food and spend time in traditional japaneese places, however, I didn't want to start any trouble and fights durin the trip so I had to suffer through watching him eat McDonalds over and over. He often asked me "But shouldn't you eat food?"... In my mind I thought "This is not food", out of my my mouth came "I want to eat japaneese food when I am in Japan", in which he would interrupt and/or not listen or not understand.

I refuse to eat McDonalds when I am traveling. I want local food. But that was appeantly "dangerous". I did get to eat at a nice little place in Kyoto once, but I also had to listen to the constant complaints on how difficult it was to sit on the floor. I myself got nosebleed when I sat down, I'm not either used to siting down and eat. But I guess it is something you get used to,

And the Hostel we stayed on in Kyoto didn't impress him much. He slept underneath the futon, on the floor with the matress on top because he tought it was cold. I woke up in the morning because he had set the AC to 50 degrees celsius *sigh*

We woke up very early in the morning and asked if we could leave as early as possible, He never was in such a hurry to get away from anything any other part of the trip. Escpecially not that day when he slept till 12 in our ordinary hotel room. And I was just feeling, f*ck, we are wasting time now, but still didn't really know what to do that day. Most of my plans was done,  except going to Nikko which I wanted to do. But I never got a serious motivation back from him, he never helped motivate to get out and see things. I had to be the driving force, and I never had a problem with that, I don't mean that. It was just some days that I wish he could have helped a little.

I just said, "No, we are going to stay here for a while and have a morning coffee and socialize a little with the people downstairs". Because we only stayed one night at that very nice hostel.

He wasn't in a hurry after visiting the Manga Museum, when we had limited time left to go to the Fushimi Inari before the last train back to Tokyo left, then he wanted an hour long fika for some reason. Whenever he asked what we were going to do next I had to explain, I could say "Fushimi Inari shrine, it is a cool place", and get a response like "Fishamisha what?". And I just got this irritation building up inside of me. At the same time feeling that we don't have time to relax just now, but still shut up about it because I didn't want to start trouble.

I had e-mailed him my entire plan for this trip, I had it written down in a document. All the places we would visit and in what order to get as much as possible, And I just knew that he had not even looked at it at all. Or maybe if he had looked at it a little, he had not studied it in detail. We always talked how we both so badly wanted to go to Japan, I actually thought he had some interest in Japan and different famous places.

Sometimes I wish I went alone anyway. I loved that hostel, (Oh, I don't remember the name of it now but I can look it up later). It was close to Nijo Temple. And the people working there spoke perfect english, and I even think they spoke Mandarin from what I could hear.

When I was in a healtyh state, I always wanted to go to Germany. To Mosel and the beautiful scenery around there. I was there when I was 11 or 12, and always wanted to visit it again. Now I don't really feel like it anymore.

But when I presented the idea, it was "Do they have McDonalds", I don't know. So it was a definitive no. But they do have very nice scenery and very nice places to sit and drink beer and eat good food. Something that is appriciated otherwise. But not when the idea comes from me, only when it comes from the leader.

I shouldn't really complain on my friends. We had some really fun times together. But I am very very different from them. I don't really fit in. I am more positive, they're more negative. And since they have the right to complain about everything, about my games being to complicated or my music being boring or my interests being boring etc etc etc, I don't even remember how much I've heard about me or my ideas being "misarable" and boring.. So I think I got to complain on them as mush as I want to right now.

And I kind of made it sound like I hated my trip to Japan. I didn't, it was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. And I am so glad I did it before I got sick. Who would now I would get this sick really.

Sometimes I wonder why I got the impulse to do the Japan trip in 2014, just before I did the biopsy in my cheekbone. Really, the day after I came home from Japan I did that. It could just have been a random impulse that happen to come right in time, but being agnostic, I'm not quite certain about that.

I also found these nice postcards, I had written adresses on all of them but never written anything on them. I never sent them. I'll hang some of them on my fridge I think. Especially the two bottom ones.

Postcards that I never sent.



Can't find my charger and turns out I was wrong

I can not find my original Samsung charger. *sigh*

And it turnd out I was wrong about the old telephone jacks, they do not work anymore it seems like. Or it is disabled in my house.

I had a connection for a phone on the back of my modem. IP telephone probably. It worked well. But yeah, what to do in case of power failure and cellphone failure at the same time. Maybe the chances are small.

Neato update

My robotic vacuum cleaner started at 07:00 as usual.

Still interested to see if it is going to clean everything without random stops.

So far so good.

No phone and b day yesterday

The charger for my phone died yesterday. So now I don't have a useable phone. Or atleast not a cellphone. I have an old ordinary phone plugged into the wall. Like this old telephone jack. The day when they remove these (which they probably will), it's going to cause problems for people, I know it.

A good thing about those is that they have their own separate power line, so in case of a powerfailure, the telephone might still work if the telephone power is unharmed. Or like in my case, my cellphone dies for no particulary reason and I need to call SOS Alarm.

There was a glitch somewhere in the cable for the cellphone charger, it didn't charge and all of a sudden it was starting to get really hot so I unplugged it.

I know I have the orignal charger somewhere. I bought this one because I've forgotten to bring a charger once. And it has actually worked well for many years up until now.

However, I was writing in the whatsapp chatroom with my friends. And I just told them I will probably not be in here for a while until I get a new charger.

And the resonse was just "Lol, just charge it in your computer", or something like that, immedierly assuming that I was some kind of idiot. Like, I have not thought about that before? I am an electronics engineer. I build f*ing things with USB chargers in them. I know what USB cables are.

I was just waiting for someone to say "Then build one", I think someone did just before I left.

Why do I constantly need to be lectured on technology and electronics by them. When I probably knew how things work better than them before I got a degree. I usually, 99% of the time just shut up and listen to their jaberwocky. And maybe throw in a comment to fix some errors they make, but where I usually get "lol":ed at and being told in "how things REALLY work" and being linked to some stupid page that they've seen. Because I apperently know NOTHiNG, not a single little tiny itsy bit about electronics.
I can never ever ever be taken serious in a discussion. They can speak serisouly to each other, but I have never been able to join in. Never. So shutting up and just listen to the monkeys speak is what I have to do.

When I say I don't have a charger, I really mean it, I don't. I haven't missed a detail. They started to get me angrier and angrier. And I was already really tired so I was probably more easily ticked off. I wasn't getting angry only because it was so fun for them that I got angry, but because it is quite important for me to have a working phone in case something serious happens, like bleeding to death because something happens with the tumour. They don't understand this last part very well.

I probably have a USB cable somewhere with a Micro-USB port, but was too tired running around looking for it in the middle of the night.. "but person A has a charger, you can borrow his".. for f*k sake.
I need it now! I don't need it ASAP, I need it pronto, if it's going to be useful. Not in a week.

Everything was just funny for them. Even the news is funny sometimes, even when 600 people dies in an explosion it is funny. And I am not always in the mood to play along on that.

I think I took 60mg Oxascand to calm me down. That really worked, the frustration went away. I fell asleep and I slept good. Really good.
I just woke up. Still feeling a little bit upseset.

Now I don't need to be bothered by anyone in that stupid chatroom atleast.

And I also fixed my old phone, plugged into the wall telephone jack. So, now I can use that. I think I got the message away to some important people about my phone number just before my battery died.

I kind of want to be alone actually.

I wonder if I went up and let Simson go out today... ***checked*** and nope.
He is sleeping deeply in his little hammock by the radiator.
I don't want to disturb him, or wake him up.

Now I need something for the pain in my left cheek.
And then breakfast.

Friday 21 August 2015

It is 1000 degrees here now

And I am eating ice cream.

I am not really feeling very well either, I mean I am not so happy. I am almost angry.

Everyone is talking about am Attack on Titan bla bla... but isn't that on Netflix?

I was so certain I saw it on Netflix. But now I cannot find it. And I don't know where I have seen it either.

It was not on crunchyroll, which by the way seem to have stopped working.

I only see a black screen.

The only thing my friend can say is "It's only on netflix in america" *duuuuh* and then no more conversation.

But I have not dreamt that I saw Attack on Titan on netflix..So they must have shown Titans temporarily. And I put it in my watch later list. And now it is gone. *sigh*

Well, thank you world that we have The Piratebay. What would we do without you. I would probably go insane in madness over how stupid things are. I pay for Netflix and Crunchyroll etc etc. But they will not give us the shows that EVERYONE is talking about right now.

I tried watching Orange is the new black. But I got bored of that. Got bored of Prison Break also.
But that Stephen King, Under the Dome or what is it called? I liked that. But where is the second season?
It's on eztv.it if I wanted to... but I am a nice boy and wait til you get it. (Or actually I don't care that much).

And also. The charger for my phone just died. So I must find my original charger soon. Batteries are draining quite fast. *sigh* I NEED a working charger.

I pay for netflix and crunchyroll. I actually give them money. But they still can't give me what piratebay can. At the moment I am only seeing a black screen on crunchyroll on my Wii U. And my premium has not run out.
And I cannot see the series that my friends is watching because you didn't make it available in my country.

So, what do you think I will do? Wait a year til you go through all your paperwork and legal battles and shit to get it available. At that point I've given you enough money to buy the whole series on blu-ray (if it is available). No. Ofcourse not.
I'll get it on Piratebay. What do you think.

I need more anxiety pills. Cause I am so angry now. I notice my charger cable is going hot. So it is definetly broken. But looking for that original charger will take all night. And I don't want that. I want to relax and watch something good and have a social nice talk about what I see... but no. So I am going to take more anxiety pills til I calm down.

Yoshi Amiibo collection and some ps3 games

I also bought Akiba's Trip that I really have no clue about what game it is. So they could easily have fooled me into buying some crap game.

I have only heard good things said about Eternal Sonata however. I think it was an early game in the ps3 lifetime? I don't remember when it was released. But many people said it was good. It was pretty cheap now.

Second short walk today


Food

I am quite satisfied with this :)

I need to take another walk to the store to pick up a package.

Took a short walk to the store

And I bought a little more than I expected.

I wanted ro do some simple food. Remwmber that I have french fries at home in the fridge. So I bought sausages and bread, to make hot dogs. And I can make frenchfries with that.. perfect.

Than I saw 'blodpudding', which I think is called black pudding in english. Or maybe just blood pudding. I don't know. I like that anyway.

Needed to refill with some risifrutti. And ofcourse ice cream. And I will keep eating ice cream for as long as I  can eat. Because I assume that there will be a day when I cant eat anymore. The tumour grows all the time.

Anyway I didn't plan to buy that much. But that is usually how it is. And the walk back was exhausting. It is so hot outside now. I think I need to drink some extra water. And it felt good to sit and relax infront of the fan that my mother bought. Now I am hungry.

Cancer cures and testing american food

So currently, these are the three things I eat daily to cure my cancer.
Apricot seeds, bicarbonate and ascorbit acid.

I wonder if part of the cure is that you have to believe in it 100% also. I don't know. I am sceptical, but I have nothing else. And I don't think it will kill me eating this everyday.

If I should  really do this, I probably should stop eating so much candy and sugar....

I opened that bag of ascorbit acid also. It had a sting in my nose :)
Talking about food....

I've seen in american movies that they eat peanutbutter and jam. I've seen it in s movie once when the mother prepares the lunchbox with a sandwich with peanutbutter and jam.

And I have always wanted to try that.
Maybe I dont have the right bread. But yeah.
Peanut butter is not that bad. But it is so dry. I need something to drink with it.
But with jam also, I dont know :/

It is too sweet.

In Sweden where I grew up nobody I knew had lunchbox with them to school,  we just ate the lunch we got from school.

Except in (what I think would be called) pre-school. That is when you are 5-6 years old. The year before real school starts.

Then we had a lunchbox with us to school, and not the metal kind that Marilyn Manson sings about. I don't think we had lunchboxes specially designed to be lunchboxes. But for me it was a used and cleaned old plastic box for icecream.
It would usually be, tunnbröd, a rolled thin bread with messmör. I loved that. Maybe a banana or apple or other kind of fruit, maybe kiwi sometimes. Or other kind of bread with cheese. That is what I can remember I got in my lunchbox back then.

State of my robotic vacuum cleaner

It cleaned this morning without any problems. :/

So,  no need to turn it in for repair then I guess.

Playstation 4 vs. Wiii U and Pokémon

I was just looking around on games online, and I was really close to buying a Playstation 4. The Metal Gear Solid 5 bundle with the red and black PS4.

I hate when they write "limited", "limited", "limited" everywhere. Ah, just stop it. I just liked the colors better than a completly black one. Otherwise I think I would buy a white one.

Anyway, I didn't really want a PS4 so badly. There are no games for it that interests me. Only a very few games, MGS5, upcoming FF7 remake... And maybe something more. I like that they make alot of JRPG's for Playstation.

But what happened, I coulnd't pay using invoice/bill, for some reason. I had one unpaid bill on Klarna, that is set on my internet bank to be payed at the 27:th. And I have lots of preordered games on Webhallen using bills for payment.
Games that doesn't even have a release date yet.
I don't know why I did that really. But it happens that games get sold out the first day that they are released.

Anyway I did actually feel a little bit of relief that I was not able to buy the PS4 now. A friend who has been buggering me to get a PS4 for some time, because it is "cheapear than a Wii U" bla bla bla "Look at how much you get for the money compared to Wii U" bla bla bla... "You get this poowerful hardware you get a bluray player, you get a harddrive, you get this and that...." yada yada, bla bla. I don't agree for one second that I get more for the money compared to a Wii U.

Because I have got 13 good games for the Wii U. And looking at the library of what games are avaiable for the PS4 at this moment. The only two ones that I can consider playing is Bloodborne, Omega Quintet (looks interesting), otherwise nothing else interests me. So there are 2 games that I might consider playing for the PS4. And 13 games that I've played and actually enjoyed very very much for the Wii U. So I think Wii U is the winner so far

(Ofcourse, there is Rocksmith for PS4 also)

And then I don't own Toad Treasure Tracker or Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze yet. (Btw, Jungle Beat is probably my favorite Donkey Kong game of all time).

Yet, these people want to argue that "Wii U sold bad, it had bad marketing, people thought it was an accessory for the Wii" etc etc... Yeah, yeah, yeah, So what? What does that matter NOW? Look at what we have now, a good console with plenty of good games.

Then my other friend told me "No, don't buy a PS4, it doesn't have any games". That felt good to hear! because it is excactly the way I feel too. I think I just wanted to buy something, a toy... Because I feel sad, lonley, depressed, etc etc... So thank you Klarna very much for denying me to pay by bill :)

Pokémon

When I was looking around on Webhallen (Swedish onlinestore for electronics/games) I noticed something called Pokémon White Version 2. It is probably an old game since it was for NDS. I never remember there was a Version 1?
Seriously, how many Pokémon games are there now?

I have so far only played the first game, Pokémon Blue for the original Game Boy. I had a friend who had the red version and we used the link cable once to exchange pokemons. I think I beat Pokemon Blue, I don't remember. But I do remember being somewhere close to the end battle.
I used GameFaqs a little for help sometimes.

After that I remember that there was a yellow Pokemón game being released. And then I can recall deep down in memory that there was even a Green one? But I never was very interested in getting them, because it was just the same game again with a few new pokemons?

After that I've lost track on how many Pokemón games ther has been released.

I tried giving Pokémon a chance again when Pokemon Heart Gold / Soul Silver was released for DS. I was sick in cancer that year too, in 2010. But I was cured from this cancer, that is another long story.

Anyway, I remember reading that Gold/Silver games was remakes of the Pokémon games that was considered to be the best in the series. And I don't know which ones those where. I bought the Gold version. I got some step counter thingy with it, that was fun. But I lost it, I think I must have put it in a bathrobe belonging to the hospital I was staying in at that time.

But it was the same thing again, same boring Pokémon game I've already played once, Well, it wasn't boring when I played it first time. I loved it. So I never beat Pokemon Gold...

The childish consumer in me later bought the Silver version just because I wanted that step counter again, and also a Pokemon X & Y bundle. That I haven't played much,

Tonights sleep

I slept surpringly good this night. I was afrid that it was going to be difficult. Because I also slept at around 20:00 to  22:30... waking up with headache and just feeling sick.

I took something to eat. And something against the headache. I stayed up till 2 and chatted with some friends.

Then took a sleeping pill and then prepared to take two temesta.. but I must have fallen to sleep and slept uninterrupted till now. And I saw this morning that I never took my temesta.

But I did wake up having  pain. Good thing I've got medicine for that.

I wonder if I am going to fall asleep soon again. I think I probably will. So there's no idea in starting an early morning anime. I should give this movie Gisaku another chance.. but it is no japaneese animation. It doesn't matter, just don't know if I should call it an anime. Or just cartoon, or animated film.

I tried watching the other computer animated Appleseed movie I got. I think I spent maximum 10sec actually looking at it.

And the old one was difficult to follow. I don't know. In anime there maybe is no story, it is just a setting and then things happens in this world. I don't know...

* Shouldn't oxynorm kick in sooon. Pain be gone *poof*

Back into falling into quick-sleeps now.

And I notice (yet again) that I have double vision. I really  need to fix my glasses. Soon. I used to like trying different glasses and looks. But ....***oops had. fallen asleep***.... where was I... Whatever,  I don't feel like writing anymore anyway.

I should prepare a foodbag. Set it up to my tube. Then I can resume sleeping with food pummping in slowly.

Need drops for eye also. I have this gel to put on, it is good. It helps my eye not to dry out incase I can't close it properly when I sleep.  I have been worried that the tumour is growing and pushing from the inside on my eye. That makes me  see worse or get this double vision. Or it is the medicine. I don't worrry too much about it. I only have double vision early in the morning anyway.

But now, I keep falling asleep. Lol, think I've fallen asleep like 20 times now trying to finish this post. Dropping my phone, and even dropping directly on my face...

Nice weather and a beautiful view this morning.
 

Thursday 20 August 2015

A trip to the store

There is a small store very close to where I live, walking distance. I was hoping that a small walk would help get rid of some of that fatigue and tiredness that I have.


I think it has helped a little. But I don't feel like watching that movie anymore now. But maybe a small fika, some coffee and sweets.

My cat Simson always wants to come in with me when I come home. But he only wants to stay inside for like 2 minutes. Then he is mewing constantly, without interruption. Also really loudly sometimes. Because he wants to go out again. But I don' t understand why he wants to follow me inside then *sigh*
He's waiting outside the door to come in, and when he is finally inside he wants immediately go out.

Makes me a little bit tired of him when he is like this. He needs 100% attention. I also think he wants me to follow him outside and be with him. When he is with my father he always stays close by, and like to follow him to the mailbox and things like that. He is so social.

Simson stops mewing when I film him... :)

He knows he is going to end up on Youtube.
I had to follow him to the bowl of cat food, and after that let him out. I filmed him, but it will take a while to upload on Youtube. Because Telia has limited ADSL upload speed to 0.5Mbit... Feels like you have 56k modem again. I am supposed to have VDSL2 or something like that, 30mbit download speed. But the upload is limited to 0.5mbit. I don't understand why. I don't remember it was always like that either. Now I can't do much really. I can't play games with friends online, and I cannot stream to Twitch anymore.

Telia will probably claim that 0.5mbit is enough for playing online. But noooo. I promise, it is not.
I played Dying Light with some friends, and it was almost impossible. I was with the group killing zombies for like several minutes, than all of a sudden everyone dissaread. They had moved to the other side of the map almost. It was crazy, it is totally unplayable online with a Telia ADSL connection.